sigh. I'm exhausted. The big transition is happening this week, as of the 30th I'll be unemployed. This past week has been taken up wit handing over the reigns to the person coming behind me.....and even though this whole thing has been hard for me I've been given peace about it finally. I had to go through a mourning process, finding out how much I've identified myself by my position in the church, I think it will be good to spend some time out of the spotlight. The decision we made to step down was for many different reasons, and only after we made the choice have I come to realize how long I have been just running on steam. The season is changing, and now is the time for me to step away from captaining that ship. The team needs to grow and move forward, and I just don't have that in me right now. So, we'll see what I do have in me as God lets me in on whatever it is that he has planned. Now, I don't want to scare anyone away here, but I do speak openly and honestly about my life on my blog, and a big thing for me this week is that I've had an awesome miracle in my life! I've been having anxiety problems for weeks since we started this transition. I mean, I'm throwing away a third of our income....... no job in sight going forward. It worried me alot, and started manifesting as borderline anxiety attacks. I was even starting to think about seeking clinical solutions.....and that says alot if you know me. I don't usually even bother with cold medicine. The only prescription I've had in ten years is birth control. So, for me to even start thinking about seeking medication means that it was really bothering me. I was starting to get mad at God too (good thing he is big enough to handle it). There is supposed to be peace in your heart when you are following his direction.....and the anxiety I was feeling was the antithesis of peace. I could't force myself to calm down and breate evenly....really freaked me out. And I cannot tell you how confused I was, because we had confirmation in many ways that this was what we needed to do! My husband had complete peace about the situation, and I was getting rather jealous. So finally I got really upset in my journal. (that's how I talk to God a lot of the time). I cried out for release from this unchararistic panic feeling, and then I went to bed. The next morning I got up early like usual to go into church and start setting up etc, and I grabbed my bible during breakfast. Long story short, God gave me the perfect scripture, and on the radio on the ride to church there was an author speaking and he was talking about just what I was feeling and going through. And strangely enough, driving alone early on a sunday morning, the anxiety was gone. And I mean gone. The prase came into my mind, that my mourning was over, that He was turning it into dancing right now. And I feel like myself again since that moment!!! Not a single trace of the anxiety symptoms, and it's been almost a week. Miracles still happen in our lives.
So, I am still exhausted, but at least it's peacefully exhausted. :-) Part of my exhaustion comes from trying to balance the work I already do for the church with the work of bringing the new leader up to speed, with all the extra growth from the ETSY shop, with everything that needs to be done at home. Couple all of that with the fact that Hubby is on nightshift this week and hasn't been getting home til almost midnight, I haven't been getting the sleep I should be getting. I've been staying up late doing things like designing business cards on a cranky in browser program...... at the beginning of the post you can see a screenshot of what I was working on. I hope they turn out ok, because I ordered 1000 of them. tee hee.
Well, thank you for making it to the end of that long and dragged out post. I appreciate you all so much, your kind friendship has been amazing.....I covet and am grateful for your encouragement. Tomorrow is a fun filled day with a lace guild meeting, a trip to the fair, and Heart live in concert. My dad takes me to a rock n roll show once a year, and tomorrow evening I'll be screaming the words to Magic man and Barracuda at the top of my lungs. Great way to let off steam. :-) In fact I'll leave you with a little Ann and Nancy. Because they are so cool.
And did you know they like Etsy? And I totally just bought a jacket like that at ross last week.